its a pity weekend for me that cannot be back at my own house..
at1st i tot wanna to back, but then since i back also just will make ppl angry, so i better stay away from house temporary.. tis is not wat i wish to be also.. i really duno why im the one who kena blame.. no one wanna to get failed la.. haiz,wat can i say beside that im giving out not enuff effort? im really got nothing to do here.. im boring, i just hope can be at home, but now seems everything is also under my fault.. ya, i accept it.. fail is fail.. monday i really have to go student affair to ask izzit any counseller provided.. if there is a yes, i will go and see, and found out wat problem is actually occur on me..

i do everything just tat dun wan ppl to get worried for me.. i go out have a tea, sometimes we did really never set any places, where we wanna go den just go lor.. and time, u ask me when i back.. if i know i will back at wat time, i will tell u.. i said before 12, i will get home before 12, mum, u ask yourself, izzit true.. izzit everytime i will back on time as how i told u before i out? some times i really dun have any idea tat wat time i will be back, so i just say dunno lar.. i dun wanna to lie to u all anymore, i can think myself.. even i got problems also i wont even sound out, i take it myself, just dun wan u all worry, i want u all get lesser fan nao on me, im 20 adi, i dun wan u all still worry for me after 20 years' worried.. its enuff.. but seems tat it is not use..

u all keep say me "ng sang sing".. but if really u come out u ask every of my frens truthly and sincerely, i can said tat.. no one will feel me "ng sang sing".. just sometimes, i can admit, some of them was not so agreed for my action.. but me is still me, weishioun, not other ppl's son.. im your son, i gotmy own way to do my stuffs la.. but just wondering why no one can accept my ways.. well, after sad i still have to keep walking down on my road, i still got a long way to go.. i wont give up easily.. but i also dun hope my maths will really make me get gradute late.. i wotn allow tis happen on me.. but im really very disappointed and sad is, no one will believe in me anymore

im really so bad, i had failed my maths for 3 times.. the same paper i exam 3 times also i cannot pass so wat else i can do? i dun wanna to get fail also ma!! who wanna to be fail in their studies? who dun even care their own result? everyone care right? but, my dad not even believe me tat i care for my result.. he called me just now, he scold me kao kao, every of his words also making my heart korek by thousands sword!! i did really tried my best to do everything for maths, i din even go out for the period when im going have maths exam, even clover stay so far also i get car to go find her teach me a bit!! even wei ling how busy also she teaching me everything!! when result is out she also keep say sorry tat cant make me get pass in it!! ya!! its true, i really can do all the question in exam, really!! but then, fine!! no one trust me, not even my own parent.. who else trusting me now? no one? i think so!! its not i want to get a fail! i hope to pass also, u all not believe , ask everyone around me la, see who stand up support me lor, see how many ppl can be withness for me tat i did really do my maths lor? even i sleep till half way 9pm also i get awake to go learn maths from wei ling.. i really do it!! and well.. no one trust

my tears had say goodbye to me long time ago, i also dunno how many years i never drop my tears adi, i tot, myself become a human tat without any tears.. but yes, well, just now i found tat, im not really tat tough yet, my tears had visit me again until the moment they all getting dry up after 20 minutes i think.. i got no tears to cry anymore.. when im sad, i not even find a ppl to have a talk with me.. im alone.. i feel so hopeless this time.. tis is not wat i want!! maths... its really trouble up my life.. my dad even ask me go find counseller!! izzit tat serious until like tat? u all everyone keep saying me never learn never try never do, EVERYONE WERE SAYING ME LAZY LIKE A SHIT!! AND USELESS LIKE A USELESS WOOD!! if just thats all u wanna to say me, fine, i accept.. its adi not the 1st time.. even my own dad also say me like tat, wat can i do?

at 1st im gonna back home 2moro bcuz of weekend, but now.. i not even dare wanna to go back.. i just hope to be alone here, no matter got or dun have anyone with me, i duncare!! i just dun like to face anyone at home, i dun wanna to make anyone else sad in house!! but my parent will forever wont understand wat kind of my though! ya, eileen, i wont blame u or anyone else anymore, i wont say tat u all nvr understand me anymore.. now, even my own parents also never trust me anymore, they not even understand how i did my work!! holiday is to relax up and get rest, to ensure i can walk further in future!! but wat my papa told me just now, u know how? well, i memorize it adi and write it out here

"now wat u want? tell me!! wat u want? why exam so many times adi still fail? u said u got try to do your best? but where is your best? in the 3 weeks holiday i never see u read your books or revision even one minutes! is tis a real student will be? u say u can do the question, but why the Fail is still there? u now no need to get mycar to out anymore, and i wont even let u get my car key in coming days until u get all PASS for me! u wanna go out den get a way by yourself! u always say got learn got learn, now i wont believe u anymore! i dun care how u doing, 2moro or monday u go find your skul counseller and then tell me how, if u don go i go with u, and after u see him/her u give me a call! " wat he means by asking me to see counseller? i need someone else to counsel me? HELL NO!! im ok and extremely normal.. i don need anyone else to counsell me, my mental are fine. but ok, since u ask me do so, i do for u! later u say me tis and tat again

well, i know u all everyone is caring me.. i know, i understand how disappointed u all when get my result, but, do u think tat i wont disappointed with myself? do u think tat im not sad at all when i get failed 3 times for a same paper? do u think tat i really not care for my future? do u all think tat tis is all i want? do u all think tat i really never try my best or give out effort to do it?
if all answer is a YES, well, den i speechless and keep myself shut!

i'm gonna fuck the maths!!!

wat the fucking hell is tis man? chiew ni ma de ji bet!!! i can do my maths 1 de lor!!! T.T
why why? why it is still a fail again? i'm aiming for pass, even i think can get a B!!
why the god treat me in such bad ways? T.T i really can do de.. why still fucking need resit again, again and again?!no one could help me tis time.. tis sem onward all in second year adi la fuck!
im really disappointed to myself.. lol.. pls no DISTURB me in class today, or else im gonna fired u all.. sorry to say tat.. once awake den fuck adi, everything goes wrong! wat the hell use even i can get a B+ and a A-? while all my important subject all still in fucking low grade which is C+ and a F in maths!!

i'm back

yea, im officially back to wangsa for my student life again, facing the walls for such a 3 weeks plus at home during my holiday~ its a really pityful holiday's life there tat i have! 2moro will be my first day of classes tat i have to attend all~ from 4-9pm la, wtf!! really speechless for it, so hot weather still wan me go skul at 4pm tis time!! haiz, and another bad news.. i had mayb made someone angry or unhappy liao~ im really not meant it to you.. but den i just dun wan to so suddenly like lost contact, suddenly disappear tat feel.. i dun like it~ so i prefer to let u busy every of your stuffs 1st den only find me, i wont be unhappy if u busy things and never find me, but i will unhappy if mian qiang u sms with me while u watching tv or wat, den lead to u never reply me sms~ aih, watever la.. i adi make explanation jor just tat waiting for your reply.. lol, im alone again at home again facing the walls.. but wat to do, no one was here yet to be with me or play with me or talk with me

我不会了～

我不懂了，我不知道我还能做些什么～那种可有可无的感觉真的很不好受。。真他妈的，可惜的是转眼间又要开学了，我又得面对一切一切的烦恼，一切的不开心与压力等等～所有不如意的问题都将会冲着我开学而来临，我该如何面对呢？我是否真的该检讨一下自己是否着的有能力接受所有的挑战呢？还是，我根本就是一个在逃避问题的人？数学不会做，就不做！这东西我不喜欢吃，就不吃！还是我该学学下如何去接受一个新的东西？就好象我的心时间表！！wat the FUCK is the only thing i can said!! 每一天的时间表都乱得很，就连我最不想上课的礼拜六都得去上那区区一个小时的课，真的无聊透顶了！！唉，最讨厌的时候就是当我一个人的时候，感到非常的孤独无助，我真的那么缺乏安全感吗？那谁人又可以给到我要的安全感，或者满足感呢？最近老是想找人喝茶聊天，可是偏偏却没有人有时间可以出来陪陪我。。或许大家都在忙着各自的生活吧。。明天会是我最后一天留在家了，明天下午我就得回归于我wangsa maju那儿的家了。。或许家庭温暖又再次的逐渐离我而去。。可是，人总该学习独立吧～ 我所向往的生活方式呢？到底去了哪里？之前所有所有我觉得都可以的生活方式呢？到底是随着什么原因而改变了？我真的不会了，不懂了，没有力了～ 我到底迷失在那里一个部分了啊？感觉上，我自己在也不是我想要的自己~

pictures

here come some part of the pictures that i took recently~ with edmond,huey yee and also ah wai~

oops! spoilt computer~

well, my own computer dunno why had faced some problems since 2 days ago but i never care it much since it still can be use~ but since yesterday noon, problems going to be serious adi, it even automatic restart my computer~ but nvm also bcuz yesterday nite i went to huey yee's skul to have a show by their chinese culture society~ afterward i back home around 12am~ lol.. den just now morning when i wake up and use my computer! wat the fuck, it some even restart automatically 4 times in 30 minutes times? fuck it off all!! and at least i decide to format it 1st before problems gonna serious again anymore.. but too bad is just my driver disk setup is nto with me now, its at wangsa maju~ so 2moro im gonna go there and take it back to install.. just wanna to try and see, izzit really my hardware got any problem! haih so bad luck la bought tis cheapalak lousy computer!! really bad luck!

stop fucking around!

so well now my mood was fucking angry fucking dunno wat to said! and im looking at someone else tat can solve the problem for me, and well ping hao is the only one tat can solve for me but too bad he is going for badminton and he will be only back at 1230am~ 1130pm adi im out from my house.. seems like no one will wanna me to being in tis house now, everyone keep scolding me saying me only~ holiday ma, out few more times will die meh? really speechless lor.. some more im not going out for fun, im going out for something inportant11!! pls la, im your son, be considerate~ i promised to ppl i must do the job! but well.. end up with ping hao's works, but not my works~ some more wat we did is not wat she wan.. nvm.. just do watever and however she want.. 2moro pass up adi den only see.. if anything error again, i think ping hao cant help ai in chinese words~ his apple mac just got tradisional chinese, dun have simplified~ so pity~ aih~ run here run there just for a picture..

after talking chat chat with ping hao now mood seems better dy, a bit recover.. pls! next time no more nagging when my mood is extremely bad!! not i wanna to quarrel with u all.. is just tat, see my face lar! when ppl not happy still wanna talk talk talk so much non stop! wat the... and sorry too mum, im really not meant to quarrel with u.. im doing and searching everything for the pic for 2 hours but gain nothing.. my mood.., try to think

我再次在此澄清！！我，所有我写的东西都没有针对任何人！一切一切都是出于我自己的观点,你们不了解个中原因就不要乱乱去问人家、说人家！不然的话，我的部落格不会欢迎你们！你们大家要看，就抱着局外人的眼光去看，或者以第三者的眼光去看！我不介意你们不了解我，我不介意你们误会我，但是！！你们看了之后可以不要到处去问人家说人家吗？我不介意不代表每一个人都不介意，我的感情事是我自己的事,与任何人都无关，我不需要你们多余的关心。。你知道吗，你们的一切举动，就来让我快疯了！我就来连我自己要写些什么东西都要考虑一千万次了! 我只要做我自己，我不需要别人的认同！你们有问题就直截了当问我，当面问我！不要在我的后面去问我最爱的人！我写的东西曾几何时很伤他的心，你们看了就不能当没有一回事吗？看了就好啦，干嘛有事没事跑去问人家？你们有话说，就在这里说，这里说清楚了大家都没事！这里看，这里散！ 拜托～

alone at wangsa

well.. i balik wangsa adi since just now 8pm ++.. so good if my housemate still here at least, i will go someone talk to me.. dun let me facing the walls all along the lonely nite~ 2moro is new batch of students' orientation day so mayb im going to have a look too.. with my gal along~ mayb can see back some of my frens tat younger than me there~ hope everything will going smoothly after i start my year2 course in quantity surveying.. i dun hope tat i mess up my study life when reach year2! every of my hope also in year2 adi.. i go for advance or going back utar at last also decide in year2~ ya, truthly, im so nervous about tat~ year2, dunno how my life is going to be? suffering? busying? or watever~ important is i still got frens there, no matter how, i not hope tat anyone of my fren been kicked out in year2 bcuz fail too many papers~ see u guys soon in another week~

edmond, i agreed woith your latest post~ wanna let it go but just cant do it well.. i understand tat feeling.. sometimes i got think about tat before~ so nvm, jiayou~ worse come to worst, my and huey yee's phone will just switch on for u~ find a day, tea together again ba~ just now lunch u cant make it so only left me and huey yee~ pity lor~ tot can fly with your myvi,. haha~ anyways~ sweet dream and just work la, i wanna work also cannot.. finish study dy, time to be independent dy~ all the best

矛盾的思想

人往往很矛盾，

喜歡她的倔強與有性格，卻受不了她的嬌縱。

喜歡她的落落大方，卻受不了她的朋友一堆；

你愛她的小家碧玉，就不要怪她不夠大方；

你愛她的活潑大方，就不要批評她像花蝴蝶一樣。

喜新厭舊是人性，日子久了，會結婚不是為了愛情，而是責任

感的驅使。婚後的他才慢慢的發現，當時的那一段感情其實不

是不愛，是時間太久了太長了，把愛情給磨掉了，再遇到另一

個女孩點燃了愛情的火苗，星星之火足以遼源，把枯竭已久的

愛情給予生命，所以倉促的決定結婚。

等到真的結婚後，愛情降了溫，才慢慢的發現其實妻子的身上

有著許多前任女友的影子，他比較愛的人其實還是前任女友，

可是他娶的卻不是她。

這樣的情節不知道是不是也在別處同樣上演著？

學生時代的愛情很單純，出社會以後總想等工作穩定以後再結

婚，工作穩定以後又想等有一點積蓄買車子、買房子以後再結

婚，等著等著，等到愛情被時光給消磨，等到第三者介入點燃

了對方心中激情的火苗，乾柴烈火不可收拾以後，曾經在年少

一起織夢的理想全都抵擋不了新鮮感的激情，所以琵琶別抱，

到最後步入禮堂的都不是在一起同甘共苦、共同經歷過寒、暑

假，等當兵的人。

hate holidaying!!

why to be a student is so hard to get satisfied? during skul days, keep on say very tired o very hate study oo, hope can have holiday.. but now holiday start, everyone shouting for boring also.. why why why? we all tarc de holiday actually is really sucks! our holiday always clash with others' studying time.. but while we are studying till siok siok middle of sem during every midterm~ den ppl adi holiday.. den start got ppl asking to out for tea la tis la tat la! wanna go also cannot!

mayb, sunday im gonna have a tea with edmond and huey yee again too~ depends on them who are not free, den change date lor~ since we all also pk kao kao adi.. need time to have some savings~ i still need a blackie, a set of speaker and some extra shirts and wallet~ LOL, spend money like using water! sure kena say wan~ now, bored.. but dunno why still havent can get to sleep, waiting for wat? izzit im carrying up myself a burden? seems like im not so happy with it, wat reason? why why? mayb, deeply depressed really need someone know psycho to gimme some treatment~

digi?? pui !!

well.. according to wat the title, u all also should agak agak know la wat im gonna type here... today i went time square with my VVVIP housemate , evan~ shit them digi! i go ask them print bills, but how say also at last ineed to pay for rm150!! fuck fuck fuck!! i use too over adi especially my bro, sms one month can reach 1800++ some more rm48 for only sms~ shit lor~ balik rumah kena say again~ haiz~ evan lagi pity her bills counted wrongly, i really beh tahan how come computer generated bills also will count wroly for the total amount of usage!! computer spoil, change new set lar diu!! really speechless for digi's system! if condition is allowed, im gonna change plan, to maxis or celcom also better than nothing!

haiz, today went time square, saw something new and nice, like it somuch but too bad not enuff cash with me.. end up just bought a bracelet.. for my dear~ hopefulyl she will like it.. wat else also i din buy just tis~ seems like i also long time never buy any present for her d~

new template

lol.. kanasai wan, once i change new template for my blog diuu!! everythings gone lar.. all my link lists lar, tis and tat!! waste time to recover it again and some link lists might be lost, if anyone wanna me to link you up,just leave me a message lor.. so sorry for alls.. till now also havent done everything yet~ sei lor..

and tat saturday nite just went clubbing, with edmond,huey yee, and also edmond's frens.. he told us tat a girll who name Grace birthday so she ask edmond go club, den edmond ask we all.. hmm, really, having fun there.. although is quite costly lar, but nvm.. just dun go too often den can adi.. having fun with edmond and also huey yee~ we all, walao dance like our place like tat like nobody around us~ crazy lor everyone! but then edmond's frens we all dunno much just got talk a bit only.. but meet back previous old times fren who name Vzai and his fren, tat called ah bi.. not so sure yet.. aih but too bad, we play until almost 5 only reach home.. 3am finish club adi den still go yam cha.. hmm, mayb drink too much~ den make me cant sleep well, just sleep quite a few hours den wake up to lunch again with edmond they all.. haiz.. make me so tired~ but, pic still not with me yet, so will be upload later~

and last but not least!! im gonna FUCK the DIGI OFF!! diu nia sing my bills.. march's bill they wrote there i spend for rm160, kanasai! im not doing big business how come will got rm160? and when i go online check my statement, i realize that they even counted my february and january's bills inside! niama lor!! when bills comes, i kena shoot kao kao! wat the hell la, i called to digi helpline tat time, the operator told me they will settle down before month end, ok fine den i wait.. wait till now bill also came adi, but my bill still never been settle yet! fuck off!! clear up my bills now and im gonna MNP to celcom!! no 3G, line sucks, services sucks! 2moro im gonna go time square to settle it down~

2moro my dear will be at skul to prepare her xia xiang things adi.. she just back from s'pore just now at nite~ so she adi sleeping jor lor i think~ 2moro some more she need awake early to go skul.. all the best for her 2moro.. ya, althought i very dun like all those things, but me is me, she is she.. i wont stop her from doing anything tat she like anymore~jia you~ haha and my "mum" too, huey yee your performance gonna start soon lor, jiayou to prepare ya~ me and edmond will be there for u.. haha

更正

here by i did wish to make some correction about those few passages i posted few days ago~ ya, true.. its all wat i had feel.. but wat i feel is not means tat wat really had happen before.. so, its all only my feeling and cannot be hundred percent believed is REAL~ and here comes, my apologize, who had related to my post before, and sorry if i said somethng tat might hurt anyone~

在这之前，或许我被生气霸占了我的头脑吧，感觉上我写的东西统统都把矛头指向了不应该指向的人。。所以，我不想大家妄加猜测。。就把它当作一片片的故事来看吧。。不懂事情头尾结果的话就别把这当真。。我所觉得的东西不代表是真实的存在，可能只是我自己的一番思想。。再次我说对不起给一些牵涉到这些事情的人，对不起~

wat actually is means by LOVE ?

love? wat it means actually? like someone, ya i'm loving someone.. she will be the 1st place in my heart.. not even i put myself at tat high place before.. so, she is important for me, im nto able to lose her, cant stay without her.. but just, problems keep appearing.. SEEMS like she dun like keep giving me care when im down. ok, now i explain.. when i down, how u expect my face will be? bright? colourful? for sure wont right? surely is dak la black la grey la like tat lor! if she keep going asking me.. ya, i may tell her wats the problems is.. im waiting for whole day just wanna to waiting for her to back, to pui me.. den she said, she scare disturb me studying my math.. ok fine den i accept tis.. since its good for me, and it may be true also i may just keep talking den din do maths~ but do u know tat, my maths NOT EVEN IMPORTANT THAN U? maths, ok, failed.. can resit.. repeat.. wat the problem is just money and fees!! if i lose u, i can resit or repeat? can i? the answer is HELL NO!! but whenever i feel like wan u to be with me, sure will got something come out den until we both also beh song~ why? i just wan more time from you.. time and care izzit so hard to give out? ya, at skul we can meet each other.. but, do u think tat few hours is all for mine? i dun think so.. u talk with your frens more than I do.. go eat go toilet every where also your frens around.. we dun even have times to be two, that only u and me, is NEVER.. go eat, ya where they eat den u follow den i follow.. i just hope to berdua duaan, we adi no time for each other except studying time~ so, cant just sacrifice bit? if like how we do now, i can even do to other gals that i know.. every frens also like tis wan la, u are their fren, but is my girlfren! pls~ im your boyfren.. i can even walk to jusco just to buy something, 酸梅 for u~ turn back, will u purposely walk there and buy for me, when i said I FEEL LIKE WANNA TO EAT? i walk to there, u never ask me go.. ya, me ownself sohai, i wanna purposely go walk.. cant bame anyone.. but from tat way, can prove tat how impratant u are for me! but.. turn another way round, seems like... im not so important for u only.. someone told me, when a gals really like u need u, she will find watever excuses to just hang out shopping or even just a tea with u.. ya, im doing all these in past few years times.. but now, i ask u out u say cannot, dun wan.. dun wanna to cheat mama.. ok lar.. den i accept also, i dun hope u cheat mama.. but then u cannot just tell tat just out with normal frens? a lil bit cheating also dun wan den i really speechless.. everytime, i went out play im thinking about u.. wat u doing , pity u pity me going out play also cant ask u to out~ and do u think tat i can be truthly happy playing if without u? ya, i went PUTRAJAYA, without telling u.. u know? tat time u know wat time? u should sleep adi mar, i just dun wanna to disturb u, some more is no big deals de thing.. and I'M NOT gonna to CHEAT u.. if im planning to cheat u dun wan let u know i went there, i wont even post up my photo here and there.. so.. dunno la.. my houysemate everyday see me, surely they will know wat im feeling if they read tis..

and at last, u had made a decision, temporary break up.. for me, i nvm.. watever u decide i will just accept.. since everytime we discuss those problems also discuss until quarrel.. i think it is also time to cool us both down.. and at last, i keep telling u tat, i just need more of your time and your care!! den u ask me to shut up, and say im looking for quarrel.. so, do u all think tat, i tell out my needed also is a way tat wanna to quarrel? i tell truthly wat i want also u not acceptable, i cheat u also u dun like den u wan me how?? past few months i giving out my CARE without caring any respons and payback tat i might get from u.. but now, U SEEMS LIKE MORE ENJOY TO TAKING THAN GIVING CARE from me.. i can care u for no reasons, why u will only care me when there is some reasons? when my mood down, my face black, its time that i need u the most, but u just walk away .. i'm alone preparing for war, i'm alone to die in the war zone, and feels like no one care about my life.. even i dead or alive... actually im really sad bcuz of it.. but after tat, when i finish my maths resit.. my mood recover back adi.. ya, i lvoe u so.. i love deeply some more, crazily some more.. but at last, wat i get back is just "temporary break up"

holiday !

yea, true.. my holiday had officially started from thursday.. bcuz my last paper which is my resit paper for maths1 had adi gone! yay! tis time hope can get pass lar, although i aim for higher grade, but how bad also at least pass im happy enuff jor~ hmm, before start holiday so hope to holiday, but then now start holiday adi den feel like my life too free, nothing much to do also.. so boring~ wanna go shopping !! wanna go clubbing!! hahaha, see who else free den date me for tea bah~ so hard only im available for everyone.. but better tis few days rest 1st since the exams week i never get rest enuff~ everyday burn midnite oil.. gonna die ler la if continue sleep so late de hua~ and all the best for those who still having exam tat studying in utar~ jiayou!!