为什么没有人知道我在想什么？我的心里面想的东西真的那么难理解吗？难得，可以出来几天，我要求的不是48小时，我只希望可以有短短的、完整的一两个小时可以陪陪我，谈话也好教我数学也好。。起码我都会开心点。。对！我的心情不好，不好是因为什么？因为明天考数学！我最恨之入骨的数学，我的心情怎么会好呢？我不会做，我很无助，没人可以帮我！可是到最后，还是一样没有人看得到我想要怎样。。为什么？我在你的心里面的印象就只有存在着坏的哪方面吗？完全一点点好的印象都没有吗？嗯，或许是对的，或许我真的是那么的不知所谓，自己拿来衰。。你要去上街，我没有说什么，因为我知道，我也看得出你很想跟他们出去，而且难得你可以跟他们去玩，所以我没有说些什么阻止你，我在家好好的等待你回来。。希望你回来后可以有一两个小时陪陪我，教教我数学也好。因为我真的真的很无助。。现在的我，是20年来的最低潮。。但是没有人发现到吧？我也不期望有买些什么给我，只想你晚上安全归来。。好咯，等咯，终于等到了，但是结果呢却不是我想要的。。到最后我还是得一个人拼我的数学，我不懂不会做的时候一样没有人可以教我，因为我家个个人都忙着各自的考试。。或许是我的态度有问题？我冷落了你？但是我希望的是你可以主动来开解我，我心情低落的时候我就只会想一个人，但是我只是想要你的锲而不舍的，死缠烂打的来问我，说我，讲我，杀我，就算骂我，我也不在乎。。我希望的只是在有限的时间里面可以得到你无限的陪伴。。有很多时候的确我是比较过分，我的心情是怎样我没有好好的说明，我希望的是你可以看得穿我，但是到最后你看不穿，还得受我脸色，但是我真的不是有心的。。谁人都好心情差的时候都会脸臭臭吧？算了吧，反正。。我的心声也不会有人听到，到此了结

putrajaya trip

haiz, why we all as college and university student all are so wuliao wan a? midnight nothing to do den can drive all the way long until to putrajaya just to have a fresh wind, lol! unbelievable right? but tis is wat we do during midnite yesterday.. ahha~ all also study until boring and wanna vomit adi so we decide to go putrajaya lo, fai lin lar, give us tis idea.. hmm!! den at last, maths also din touch much! so today onwards must be jiayou jiayou to study jor.. i cant get fail anymore ! so, now start do maths question bah~ and good luck for everyone who is still resit-ing exams or having final now..

poker day!! yay

aih~ i can say tat im always die in poker.. today went to skul library tot wanna to study and revise, with mosquito,sheng loong and kai cheng de.. den we study until really pissed off adi!! too much formula to memorize lar kanasai lo!! 2moro exam adi today havent finish yet..

den at last kai cheng suggest us, wanna play poker? haha our eyes all were flashing, really flashing lo.. so jing shen adi after heard tat got poker.. den when kai cheng bring it up right, we fast fast distribute the cards.. den when we wanna to play!! diuuu!!! the library worker came in and ask for all our cards!! she then passed to the library officer there.. luckily the officer treat us quite good, never black listed us or wat.. just ask us to write a letter for her to keep record.. huh~ luckily lo..

last time secondary skul adi how many times kena by poker card.. now in college also kena again, too bad luck lar.. once we finish get our cards den not even start to arrange it yet, den kena caught adi,argh!! bad luck bad experience.. hahaha.. but nvm, it make my student life become colourful.. at last around 3pm plus plus we decide to went gor lunch at TBR there so den we walk out lar.. dam hot lo the weather! den after eat we decide to balik rumah mandi tidur.. i just able to finish up until chapter 5 plus plus a bit onli.. aih~ 3 more chapter to go.. i hate calculation!!

if.. im no longer be tolerate?

如果有一天我不再做出退让的话，这个世界会变成怎样呢？无法想象吧？不是说我很厉害的那个无法想象。。是，去哦也不知道会怎样。。刚才在msn和慧仪谈了一会儿，觉得我自己真的该要反省一下，自己要怎样连自己都不懂，那将来要如何做出抉择？今晚真的可要好好的叠高枕头慢慢的想一想了。。真的是我的错，但是我该如何做出补救呢？我真的不懂。。但是这些东西迟早得做出了结啊。。还是现在先专心于考试呢，别的往后再想把？现在老爸这个样子，那还有别的心情去想别的事情。。好好的努力加油吧，明早还得早起来去学校图书馆温习一点。。起码那边有冷气可以好好的读书。。在家里热到要死哪里还可以专心温习。。该睡了，晚安咯。。

唉，烦恼。。远离我吧～我只想要普普通通的生活

passed 70%

yo! finally i had done my BM and Tamadun paper from monday and today! not bad lar those papers.. should be cat get B or A also geh~ hopefully it can help me chase back the points i lose in previous sems and also cover back the coming building science tat paper lo.. first time i passing my exam days so relax like how i do now, so scare if all those balasan come back one shot in saturdy den i die lor, main paper cannot get fail ler must get C or above..

some more.. my dad fell down into drain, his body havent recover yet.. haih make me still thinking tat should i really need to go back wangsa so early on 2moro.. sunday nite he went see doctor adi doctor said he need at least 4-6weeks to get recover.. den wanna give him mc at least 2 weeks, den my dad dun wan, say 2 days enuff.. den now, finally lar, admit adi, so suffering, go ask doctor to get some more few days de mc.. haiz~ we sick, he keep asking we go see doctor, he sick he will never willing to go see doctor.. so weird..

thx god hopefully 2moro onwards i will got the real mood to study everything foor my building'as paper and math too lar.. cant get low marks anymore now.. must get some improvement to rebuild my confident!! anyway, to my lovely housemate that gonna have final exam soon, all the best for u all and +u +u..

歌名: 我不夠愛你 (國) 演唱: 陳慧琳 & 劉德華

我想我不夠愛你　我不曾忘了自己
沒那麼全心投入　所以會一敗塗地

我想我不夠愛你　我忘了你的用情
沒辦法重來一次　也只好聽天由命

不能在沒有月亮的夜裡
也不能輕易地閉上眼睛
因為你會出現　在天空或心裡

不能在一望無盡的地方
也不能鑽進那擁擠人群
因為寂不寂寞　都會驚醒我
我失去了　我不夠愛的你

我想我不夠愛你　我想我不夠愛你
我不曾忘了自己　我不曾忘了自己
沒那麼全心投入　全心投入
所以會一敗塗地

我想我不夠愛你　我想我不夠愛你
我忘了你的用情　我忘了你的用情
沒辦法重來一次　重來一次
也只好聽天由命

不能在沒有月亮的夜裡
也不能輕易地閉上眼睛
因為你會出現　在天空或心裡

不能在一望無盡的地方
也不能鑽進那擁擠人群
因為寂不寂寞　都會驚醒我
我失去了　我失去了　我不夠愛的你

tamadun = ta ma de

the title is what i had copied from my fren's msn.. thx ya for not counting copyright with me

just now visit some of my friend's blog.. every of them tat same age with me all also mostly had done their Stpm la or even diploma courses.. just left out me here hanging middle of the sky and feel like dying but not die yet! what la this world, need me, to study this and that~i just hope to passing and keep passing in the rest of my life only mar, also cannot.. simply wanna fail me.. haiz! monday exam lo.. die lo now still havent done revision yet, better pray hard from 2moro morning till night lar! thx god hopefully u may help me again once.. only once~

and a bad news is my dad had fell down into drain just now when he does some gardening jobs in front of my house.. wat the hell his back dam calar.. and the bone, dunno wat wat bone also crack adi.. damn it stupid ass drain! once i saw him kena adi ask him come come go see doctor he say dun wan dun wan, no need de, just pain a while only.. den dunno how long cannot talk also until at last my mum only able to ask him go see doctor.. den end up with taking x-ray and finally the doctor said, "bone fracture" .. den my dad start to worried everything.. ha! see lar, luckily got come see doctor, if not?? den he get an injection for painkiller lo, hope tat he cna have a good sleep tonight lar.. haiz now really headache for tamadun exam lo on monday.. dun care lar, kns subject.. just pass enuff!!

but actually im waiting for the plan to up cameron highland to BBQ wan lo, so not really got the mood to study hard, my heart just keep thinking about play play play only.. haih so bad~ moody adi now.. cant sleeop some mroe bcuz of the stupid HOT weather this few days!! just dunno this plan can success to get on or not only.. never go there before, everytime say wanna get cold ait just will straight head to genting highland.. aih~ hope this time can really enjoy lifes at cameron there.. having some kind of farm's life.. now time to sleep.. byebye guys

exam exam and exam!!

why everyone of Malaysia students' life also filled with exam every semester or every fortmonthly har? izzit exam means everything for us as a student? for me i dont think so lor.. but tis is a fact tat we need to accept it, haiz~ last time sem2 just 7 weeks before only, just done final in the passt 7 weeks, now again need to face my final~ hopefully tis time i can get allright result from it~ i dun wanna my math really getting fail again lo.. too bad if im just only dreaming, i must make it become true!! haiz monday start to exam adi lo, some more is stupid ass Tamadun!! walao need hafal so many things ler, till now also i havent finish study everything yet, how to go hafal? luckily coursework marks still not bad so if im just aiming for pass or B sure no problem wan lar...

everyone around me, just +u for u all lar who were gonna have their final exam soon just like me.. dun mess up your college life just because of a "fail".. especially to those who adi second year de

lester's bday loo

that fat pig cost us quite a lot leh.. we went sushi king to eat the rm2 promotion and then we went for a movie but at last we each spend rm30 for him, walao!! tis month need to eat bread again lo so pity.. haha den now is lester's pic o be uploaded lo..

i seems so tiny lo when im beside lester tat fat pig

yong zhnag so give face, before study also join us for dinner, with lynn

fat pig is praying to the cake god, wish to let him be slimmer

pig oil's bday cake, special leh!! got wasabi some more

~liong gong poh~

April's birthday boy and gal

well, my housemate who name Lester Low a.k.a pig oil and also miss evan also are april baby.. so this month we all also pukkai to celebrate with them.. one month dua biji secret recipe man~ huh! and lester's face got cream haha yong zhang's work lo.. but too bad we never took down any picture of it.. same too bad news for all of us lar.. we all is also gonna have our final exam in tis coming up weeks.. all also busy studying, except for some la still busy paktor only.. hahaha~ and last nite i went for my dinner alone again around 1am.. too bad im really headache for my final exams.. building science la, math1 la.. all also calculation tat will really make me die.. the few days before i chat with xin yi again, she told me not to worried too much but .. i cant control it dont to think so much.. automatically.. if can i also hope tat my brain will stop working for temporary this few days period.. if can let me sleep for few days continuosly la!! aih, dunno why my heart not feeling well again..i dun wanna to see tat ppl anymore!! not even once more... later need pay them to kick someone out adi.. just left my payment havent reach yet.. sorry to u guys~

here comes some pic for the bday gal 1st, at look out point

evan with lynn and me

evan with yong zhang and a gal name ying ying,i think


tis is evan's bday with lester's couple

evan's bday cake, oreo cheese, haih my 1st time eating cheese.. pity me

problems? really got problems?

i most hate tis QUESTION blink in my brain during tis kind of period.. important period la, ppl preparing for final exam adi me still here acuh tak acuh like tat.. thinking all those nonsense useless problem.. but, problem is stiil problem, never settle it will only make more burden and pain onto myself.. actually wat all i face izzit really a problems? it is problems tat can be settle or cant be settle? i sopmetime really hope to sound it out, but i just no guts.. mayb la im born to be soft.. some more even soft than a gal tat also can be strong than me!! those problems really 多到用我的毛来数都数不完..



刚Post上去的歌不错吧?找了很久一下了，才找得到。。 《泳儿&鸣威-我的回忆不是我的》

drunk!

hmm, sometimes when im flooded with nonsense and fan nao, im really hope tat i can be drunk and forget everything.. but now, beer adi is useless for me unless got some 40-60% alchohollic drinks for me lar.. den it might help to let me drunk..but then when the next day, i finally know tat drunk will only make me headache and got more suffer.. although, i can really temporary throw aside all of my fan nao.. so how? anyone can recomend me some ways to reduce stress? i cant even have a nice sleep when im really tired, surely i will awake half way, so suddenly awake, den nothing to do, just looking at the sky for nothing like sohai like tat! next monday will be lester's bday.. so how? its another day of spending for me.. every month got two ppl bday tat means i will pk before end of the month.. but nvm la, once in a year.. and i so like to watch the movie also, the fast and furious 4 i havent watch it yet.. the previous 3 episod also im buying cetak rompak so is time no matter how must support original lo.. ahha, and last nite finally i have booked my cap from joon's fren who selling online.. hopefully can get it soon~ today im located at Balakong, my own house.. finally i feel again the warm of my house.. and missing my bed so much so now im going to try to get sleep.. nitez everyone..

bad mood lar!!

tis few days dunno why my mood is fucking down la.. at first is my own problem, my study's problem but then i can handle tat one.. den house got problem, den frens problem den tis and tat problem keep appearing until my heart also got problem, keep thinking too much of it!! and anyone can tell me about tis phrase izzit true? <有时候不是对方不在乎你，而是你把对方看得太重> if it is true, wat should i do? dun put so much effort on it? i dont think i can.. but watever lar, already used to it to being alone adi.. so i dun care wat the hell tat happen around me anymore.. mayb tat chinese phrase up there is just nice to explain why im so down for tis few days.. gals got gals problema nd illness, we guys also will got ours.. guys are not always so good and so tough as how u all can see from outside.. how's ppl's inside was, thinking or feeling, forever no one will know and understand well.. mayb la, is my own fault also, always be a two face man.. always seems happy in outside no matter wat happen, den now happy over adi, everything turn to be sad.. haiz

if i got work part time in future,surely i will rent a single room for MYSELF or HER only,no one else! and if some more im more afforadable to pay, im willing to change house..some time feel tat im not suit to staying outside with frens.. too many arguement happen among us.. and everything i will just keep inside my heart.. i dont like to say out.. wat also say out sure will make ppl dislike me.. thats why, i choose to keep everything by myself.. since my blog cannot be privatise for some passage, so something im still cannot write out here, it is suffer to keep by myself, but wat to do? no one can listen for me, no one are able to help me or pull me up from the deep sad valley.. now i feel again how warm and how good is my house.. no much arguement, no need scare tis scare tat, no need care how other ppl feel and can say everything out..

midterm test again

yea, later 3-5pm i will have my another midterm test again.. last nite not really can study, mayb bcuz of tired ba.. and pressure too.. i juz able to finish 1st time reading and 2nd time revising im only able to done until chapter 5.. the rest of it, just depends on my luck lo.. hopefully later when reach skul still got time to read a bit for it la.. although we have got some ways to cheat in class, but i think.. im not gonna use a dirty way like tat.. i juz hope to get a good marks by my own effort..

now wake up so early also useless lar, prepare to skul also use most of the time adi lo.. study? i dont think i can.. and last nite around 12am like tat only i juz done my haircut ler.. haih now lazy to set my new head.. haha.. anyways, wishing me all the best la.. thx and bye

im wondering why.. why im the one who always need to ACCEPT everything tat i dont really like.. i have to force myself to being happy.. i have to force myself to get use to those things.. actually tis is not wat i want, i dont like, means dont like.. juz like some ppl hate those smoker, dont like means dont like lo, no reason right? haiz im headache for tis matter for quite a long time ago.. i beh song.. but wat to do beh song also no use.. we are staying in the same house.. same room.. and everyone should know tat i wont simply sound ppl.. if i sound means u can FuCK off from my sight adi.. tiring, need study some more.. need to prepare for the coming test on thursday.. i dont hope tat im the lowest marks again.. my heart was breaking.. almost finish broken adi.. haiz

happy birthday to evan

yo!! according to my title up there, sure la, my housemate + sei dong miss evan de birthday come liao.. too bad lo we never give her any present, so just celebrate with her juz now.. we went look up point at ampang there to have dinner with her.. and yong zhang too and another fren of them also joining us.. so dam nice the view there when nite time.. we went once before but is during day time so view not as nice as just now.. whole KL is under my feet.. reach home at around 11pm just now den fast fast bath den eat a bit more den go sleep luu.. 2moro 8am class le, nitez everyone..

and Happy Birthday to you Evan

说谎

自我懂事以来我就不曾说过任何的骗话了，因为我了解到要别人相信你，首先的是你不要骗人，就好象respect people before people start to respect you一样的道理。。但是在这个学期里面我对我的父母说了一个我不该说的谎话，我把我的成绩虚报了给我的父母，因为我真的让他们失望够了，我不想他们再次有失望地看着我，试问有谁人是不想把自己的成绩搞好给家人看的呢？我也想，我想做，我试过去做。。到最后，还是不了了之，为什么？因为懒惰，因为没有信心。。数学？自从高级数学在我的中学生涯里面出现之后，我对数学的恐惧感与日俱增，因为我两年以内我考了8次，但是却足足的不及格了8次！虽然，我的普通数学还是保持着一定的水准，但是这是因为学校有提供我们方程式的原因。。到了我终于升上了拉曼大学之后呢，我才发现到我的数学原来是那么的不堪一击。。我当年，2007年，在啦满大学足足浪费了爸妈整10000的花费可是却一事无成，那时候觉得没什么，就不及格而已嘛？有什么好怕的？又不是第一次。。但是，人长大了，会慢慢地会想了，懂事了，才发现到我是多么的不孝。。爸妈赚的钱，不是一定义务要让我那么的浪费的，说是说让我读书可是我却没有好好的学习，反而在浪费自己的光阴，浪费他们的钱，血汗钱，转来不易！但是却那样白白的让我浪费了不少。。我真的很败家吧？现在我终于知道为什么他们每天说我败家了。。

最近我的烦恼又开始了，是因为考试的接近，才让我觉得有了压力。。这次如果我的数学在不及格，我就得重读我的数学了。。我真的很伤心，很想哭，但是我的眼泪不知道跑去哪里了。。好久好久都没有流过一滴泪，因为我觉得我是男生，不能轻易地掉眼泪。。可是慢慢的我好像变成了铁石心肠，没有感觉，麻木了甚至连眼泪是怎样的我也忘记了。。可是我还记得，最近最近的一次掉眼泪是为了依琳。。我是不孝吗？尽然为了女朋友掉泪而不为了家里掉泪？不知道。。没有人知道。。人言可畏，被人家说我败家之后，慢慢的我发觉我真的是败家子了。。被人家说我一无是处之后我也慢慢发觉到，他们所说的都好像真有其事。。我没用，任何事情都做不好，每天都只是在发梦发梦，在想着一些不是我着程度里面该想的东西。。

相信今天和我同班的同学们都发现到我的不对劲吧，我也不是想隐瞒些什么，只是习惯了有烦恼的时候是自己一个人往身上扛，我怕说了出来以后会有人说我“博同情”。。我不要有人用这种眼光看待我。。这次我说了一个谎话之后我就总是觉得心里面不舒服。。成绩表终于都寄出去了，很快的我父母将会收到，而且他们很快的会发现我在骗他们。。我该一切从实呢，还是要和他们吵？还是静静的让他们说？我的良心和过意不去，我真的很想很想他们可以真的痛痛的骂我一顿，让我真的醒觉。。可是，当一个人对你已经失望，接近绝望的时候他们还会浪费时间，浪费口水的去在乎你吗？我有今天是我自己一手造成的。。现在是真的绝望了吧？

还有的是那天我和zellent，慧仪，佩仪他们喝茶，无端端的我们谈到了男女关系的东西，我们大家都把自己的或者发生在身边的都拿来讲一讲。。从他们女生的角度来看，原来他们都觉得我们男生的心深似海，但是呢我们男生却觉得他们女生的心初一十五都不一样难以预测。。但是谈到最后我们都只得到一个结论，就射无论是男是女，我们他家所要的东西都很简单，就是许要对方的关心和体贴，当然啦也需要会察言观色嘛，没有可能在一些不适当的时候做出一些不适当的动作，或者说出一些不适当的话。。我们要的都只是那么简单。。就比如当我生病了，最起码会有一同来电，问候或者嘘寒问暖一下，不会死嘛？信息的话勉强还能接受啦，但是一通电话就真的那么贵吗？有时候我们的脸没有把什么东西都表现出来不代表我们没有事情。。男生有时候总会爱面子啊，什么东西都表现出来的话就什么都让人家看透了啊。。我们要的只是我们在乎的人看得出来罢了。。但是往往世事又岂能尽如人意呢？所以我也不敢要求太高，因为我自己也还没有qualify做一个好好的男朋友。。有时候想这些东西都会有够累的。。可能是想太多的关系了吧？一切从简不就好吗？但是，有时候会不甘于平淡，有时候人总会有一些胡思乱想的意念的啦。。习惯就好了。。

这里的所有东西都只是纯粹哈啦，大家看了不必太在意，不必放在心上吧。。呼，换作是以前我写作文写“我的思想”的时候啊，分分钟我这篇文章可以拿满分哦！！

伍佰 淚橋

無心過問妳的心裡我的吻
厭倦　我的虧欠代替妳所愛的人
這個時候我心落花一樣飄落下來
頓時　我的視線失去了色彩

知道妳也一樣不善於表白
想像　妳的相愛編織的謊言懈怠
甜美鏡頭竟也落花一樣飄落下來
從此　我的生命變成了塵埃

寂寞的人　總是習慣寂寞的安穩
至少　我們直線　曾經交叉過
就像站在烈日驕陽大橋上
眼淚狂奔滴落在我的臉龐

*知道妳也一樣不善於表白
想像　妳的相愛編織的謊言懈怠
甜美鏡頭竟也落花一樣飄落下來
從此　我的生命變成了塵埃

寂寞的人　總是習慣寂寞的安穩
至少　我們直線　曾經交叉過
就像站在烈日驕陽大橋上
眼淚狂奔滴落在我的臉龐*

LA LA LA LA LA　~~

众人皆醉我独醒 vs 众人皆醒我独醉

在古代那个乱糟糟的时候呢，很多的伟人都是 “众人皆醉我独醒” 的。。 但是为什么我就是做不到他们那时候的那种努力还有态度呢？我最近的状况就像是 “众人皆醒我独醉” 咯！！ 为什么？why why why？现在心情一团糟。。不知道干嘛，感觉上我拜一那天的 e-test 让我感到很难过，不是说我要跟人家比较，但是成绩这回事难免会有一点点在意的吧？我终于都感觉到失败的那种滋味了。。或许天要惩罚我的口不择言吧？我每一次都是犯同样的错误但是到最后呢，说改但是要改真的那么容易吗？对，不容易～我有尝试过。。但是到最后都只能维持一段时间而已，我不想骗人，更不想骗自己。。我知道我是不想的，但是又能怎样呢？善意的谎言，真的是每个人都能接受吗？不。。谎言始终都是在骗人。。我朋友说的对，有本事的话就瞒着他/她一辈子，不然的话就别说谎。。但，有多少个认真的曾经想过人家为什么要那么做呢？是因为你自己的不可理喻吗？还是人家真的有心要骗你?如果你真的可以心平气和的跟别人商量或者谈一些事情的话，我觉得人家真的没有必要说谎，尽管是善意的谎言。。每个人都只会怪人家骗他这个那个，但是却不会自我检讨一下问题到底在哪里？

转眼间很快的五个星期由过去了，我的大考有将要来临了，可是我的数学我真的好没有掌握好。。怎么办？ T.T 很伤心啊为了这个数学！！ 我不要在接受我自己不及格的这个事实了！！我爸妈已经对我很失望了，钱也花了，我要的东西他们都给我了，可是我还达不到他们的最低要求。就是全科及格！我真的有那么差吗？还是因为我真的很懒惰？人家之前和我一样成绩不好的，现在人家都已经回头是岸了，成绩还大有进步，但是偏偏我还是两手空空。。在这个时候应该已经睡得像猪一样了，但是刚刚泡了个冷水澡之后，我脑里面突然多了很多问题，很多疑问。我已经很累了，真的真的很累。。该放弃吗？还是应该要继续努力去做我觉得对的事情？很多时候我觉得没有问题，但是不代表所有人都觉得ok。。我做的事情往往都会受到很多人的反对，就没人能够站在我的立场上去想想看吗？唉，前路一片茫茫，看不到路。。分分钟撞车死了都不知道什么事情。。

为什么在很多时候我都要逼我自己去接受一些我明明不喜欢的东西呢？为什么我总是得做出一些我明明不喜欢做的东西呢？想去将来吧，或许我所做的东西别人未必看得到，而且人家也未必会因为我做的东西而改变对我的观念。有时候想回去会不会觉得我自己真的很傻？我是傻还是笨啊？见仁见智吧。。。就我父母已经是最好的例子了，永远都只有他们讲我这个不对那个不好，他们都没有看到我在努力着，尝试改变我自己去适应新的一个伟雄？