rainy day in my heart

finally,today i had let my parent know about my result for sem2 final exam.. so wat? my parent was not satisfy with it also!! since i got really give out some effort in sem2 , since i work harder than sem1,but i just got really very very very less improvement!! i'm not satisfy with it TOTALLY!! but wat to do? result adi come out,tis is adi reality!! but how come reality for me always will be too cruel? did i do something wrong in my life?? or i use the wrong method?? in sem1 final exam,i get gpa 1.000!!! tat time also i din sad like now!! bcuz i noe, sem1 i really got never study properly,so i admit,it is my fault to get such a bad result.. for me,i not believe any luck in my life!! for me,wat i get,is juz same wit wat i paid!! so i get such a bad result means i havent give out my full effort!!!
i'm really so sad for today,my papa dun wna talk to me adi, i noe he is very very sad bcuz of my shit result, but it is not wat i want too!! cannot fully blame on me.. i got work hard,everyone in skul can see it!! juz my parent cant see anything.. at least i got lil bit improvement.. it is better than nothing improve or worse than before!! nevermind la, they is my parent.. i adi noe their attitude.. so i wont blame them.. if like tis at least my heart will feel better.. at least i get some kind of punishment.. if my dad juz like nothing only.. means he wont care for me anymore even though i juz die also no use.. he wont care.. i had really let all my fren and parent feel disappointed on me.. haih, izzit i'm really so bad in studies? or i juz choose the wrong way to go? yea,mayb im not suitable for engineering.. mayb i should not choose tis way since the beginning.. but now adi finish my way at half, it is almost finish adi for my 1 year of foundation,should i juz stop like tat and go work?? and den wait for May intake in tarc?? most of my fren also said tat,i should stop now to save back my rm1026.. i hope to stop too.. but dunno how my parent feel.. i dun wna make my dad feeling not happy anymore.. i juz follow wat he want me to do now, but,he adi speechless.. he adi dun wan talk to me anymore.. T.T haih~~ talking so much rubbish here also not sure got ppl will come and read it one by one.. really hope someone can be with me and chat with me.. reduce some of my tension or stress..
2moro i got class at 8am.. but i still cannot sleep now.. i got no mood to sleep adi.. argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! help me!!! how come everyone tat i hope to chat with, also din on9?? hwo come my luck today realy so bad?? drive around speed at 80km'j also can almost bang ppl wan.. why never got any GOD of luck will blessing me of?? other ppl can get 0.5 points improve,why i cant?? ppl can get 3.2, why i cant?? he is also human, me also human!! tis world actually is not fair at all for me.. i paid out something, but i get back nothing!! May.. where are you?? i hope can chat with you now.. even to see your face.. or wat,also better than nothing~ my mood really down.. me myself also adi disappointed on myself.. me now do wat shit also got no confidence at all adi.. not even got 1% of confidence!! i hope to work now,and pay back the debt to my mum tat i loaned from her few days ago.. should i work again as promoter for rm80 per day?? or work at hp shop with my fren at rm900 per month?? or should i do sales as wat kin suggested to me?? hmm~ when ppl growing up, more and more things we need to think, and we need to analyst wat we should do.. i hate to make decision.. i hate to choose.. if i choose to stay utar,i got no future,and wasted my parent money!! if i choose to leave utar and go tarc.. i will lost all of my frenz!! i need my frens.. they are all my best buddies in utar for almost a year!! i cant imagine tat i go tacr as a new student and a whole new life there,and need to kenal again all my fren.. and all my type of kaki~ i hate to do so.. waaaaaahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! think more den im gonna become crazy !!! i hate my life!! why everything goes wrong!!